At 16 years old, a member of my high school dance team, and a local teen title holder within the Miss America's Outstanding Teen program, I was a normal teenage girl going through high school with dreams of graduating, going to college and one day becoming a doctor. I had a plethora of friends and kept my self busy with dance and volunteering my time at the Head Start Program. I met a young man named Josh(not his real name for his own protection) through a few mutual friends. He was handsome, had a great family, played sports and was intelligent. He was a couple years older than me and drove a cool Acura TL. We began dating pretty quickly. With the social pressures of high school, having a boyfriend was a must.
Our relationship was all rainbows and butterflies for the first three to four months. We hung out with our friends, went to the movies, and did fun teenager activities together. We were the popular couple amongst our friends. He was my high school sweetheart. I thought that we would go off to college together and then get married and live happily ever after.
Something began to change after those first few initial months. Josh began to verbally and mentally abuse me. He would call me different inappropriate names and tell me that no one else would ever want to be with me. He would say that I was never going to achieve my dreams of becoming the state teen title holder and that the pageant world was stupid and just a way for me to draw attention to myself. These comments made me feel worthless and took my self-esteem as low as it could possibly go. I believe that once he realized that he had complete mind control over me he began to continue the manipulation by being physically abusive.
The first time he hit me was one evening after a peer had been killed in a car accident. Josh was very emotional after the viewing of our deceased friend and remembrance ceremony. We left the ceremony with emotions already stirred up, fighting over something I can't even remember now. Josh was driving and I was in the passenger seat. He got so angry at whatever we were fighting about that he punched me and then slammed on his breaks after realizing what he had just done. I did not say a single word because my face hurt so bad. I simply got out of the car and began walking. He came chasing after me, crying, and grabbed me by my arm. He drug me back towards the car. He told me that the reason that he hit me was because I made him so mad that I deserved it. He apologized and said that he would never do it again.
This physical abuse went on for way to long. The times in-between the this first physically abusive instance and the last were too many to count.
The last straw was drawn durring one of my many attempts to break up with Josh. I told him I wanted to concentrate on my goal of winning the state title so that I could serve my state and compete at Miss America's Outstanding Teen. Me choosing my dreams and goals over him was unacceptable in his mind. He punched me so hard across the face that it fractured my jaw and ruptured my ear drum. No words could come out of my mouth I was in so much pain. As I walked to my car to leave and he chased after me with a knife this time. He threatened to hurt me and then turned the knife on himself. I got in the care, locked the door, and texted his sister who was in the house.
From that day forward I realized that this was not a healthy relationship and that my life was on the line. I picked up the phone and called Brooke, my Miss at the time, and told her what happened and about how much pain I was in. She and my local directors took me to the hospital and called my mom. My biggest regret was not pressing charges that day on Josh. It had gone on to long and gone way to far for me to not have wanted to seek legal action. To this day I am grateful to be alive. Now as Miss New Mexico, I am grateful for the opportunity to share my story and help break the cycle of domestic violence. If violence can be learned it can be unlearned.
- COMMUNITY HEROES AWARDS-
NEW MEXICO COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 10/26/12-Las Cruces
I am forever grateful for the friendships and the support that the Miss America Org. has provided to me. If it wasn't for Brooke, my Miss at the time, I am not sure where I would be today. This program has restored my confidence, provided me with irreplaceable friendships and scholarships to obtain my college degree. Words cannot express my gratuity and love for this program. My commitment and desire to be Miss America illuminates in all facits of my life. I am looking forward to bringing national attention to domestic violence on the Miss America stage Jan.12 live on ABC! Hope you all tune in !
The first time he hit me was one evening after a peer had been killed in a car accident. Josh was very emotional after the viewing of our deceased friend and remembrance ceremony. We left the ceremony with emotions already stirred up, fighting over something I can't even remember now. Josh was driving and I was in the passenger seat. He got so angry at whatever we were fighting about that he punched me and then slammed on his breaks after realizing what he had just done. I did not say a single word because my face hurt so bad. I simply got out of the car and began walking. He came chasing after me, crying, and grabbed me by my arm. He drug me back towards the car. He told me that the reason that he hit me was because I made him so mad that I deserved it. He apologized and said that he would never do it again.
This physical abuse went on for way to long. The times in-between the this first physically abusive instance and the last were too many to count.
The last straw was drawn durring one of my many attempts to break up with Josh. I told him I wanted to concentrate on my goal of winning the state title so that I could serve my state and compete at Miss America's Outstanding Teen. Me choosing my dreams and goals over him was unacceptable in his mind. He punched me so hard across the face that it fractured my jaw and ruptured my ear drum. No words could come out of my mouth I was in so much pain. As I walked to my car to leave and he chased after me with a knife this time. He threatened to hurt me and then turned the knife on himself. I got in the care, locked the door, and texted his sister who was in the house.
From that day forward I realized that this was not a healthy relationship and that my life was on the line. I picked up the phone and called Brooke, my Miss at the time, and told her what happened and about how much pain I was in. She and my local directors took me to the hospital and called my mom. My biggest regret was not pressing charges that day on Josh. It had gone on to long and gone way to far for me to not have wanted to seek legal action. To this day I am grateful to be alive. Now as Miss New Mexico, I am grateful for the opportunity to share my story and help break the cycle of domestic violence. If violence can be learned it can be unlearned.- COMMUNITY HEROES AWARDS-
NEW MEXICO COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 10/26/12-Las Cruces
Hello Miss Bennatt. I'm glad you overcame this hardship. What you're doing is such great work. I read your story and the scene looked really horrific. I'm glad you have good friends that helped you out.
ReplyDeleteI went through 14 years of mental abuse by someone that I thought loved me. I was recently stalked online by them, but since I had moved here to New Mexico from another state I went to court and got an order of protection against them.
It's difficult to wonder if someone will ever leave you alone. I admire you very much and I hope that your life will be great away from this types of destruction. I'm glad you liked the post I left you on facebook.
Take care. Again Congratulations on your achievements.